Equally dishonest lawyers

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

“So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.”

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Paulson, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Hendren, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Paulson. “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits!”

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to Ma.gnoliaAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

Would you trust a lawyer?

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer – do you have a locker room in the police station – a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year’s “Best come-back” line and we think he’ll win.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to Ma.gnoliaAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

How low can the Chinese government go?

In a quasi-capitalistic society such as China, it is not a surpise that lawyers have volunteered to help the victims of the recent milk scandal. Unfortunately, it is also not a surprise that provincial government officials have been putting pressure on these volunteers to quit, but I would venture to guess that if the provincial officials did not do so, the national government would soon have done so.

Chinese governmental officials are obviously from a different planet. On what planet is poisoning pet food and infant milk not punishable, while embezzling money or protesting against the Chinese government can be punishable by death?

Hopefully the winner of the presidential election will do something about China soon after he takes office.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to Ma.gnoliaAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

“Your Honor, we suck!”

University of Louisville sued Duke University for withdrawing from their contract to play four football games between 2002 and 2009. Duke’s lawyers successfully argued that their football team is so bad (TRUE!) that Louisville could easily find “a team of similar stature.”

ESPN.com story