What to tell an officer who pulls you over for speeding

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing!” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. “I can get away fro him – no problem!” thought the elderly gentleman as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, “What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!”, pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver’s side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were driving 120 miles per hour that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day Sir”, said the Trooper.

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What a gold digger

A 36-year old Swedish countess is divorcing her husband. Their prenuptial agreement states that she would receive $43 million if they divorced. She is claiming that is not enough, because at her current spending rate of $53,800 per week, that money would not last her for the rest of her life.

How do you spend $53,800 per week? Well,  this article states:

Her weekly expenses also include $700 for limousine service, $4,500 for clothes, $1,000 for hair and skin treatments, $1,500 for restaurants and entertainment, and $8,000 for travel.

Amazing. One would think that a former investment banker would be smarter than that. Or maybe she used to work for AIG or Bank of America???

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Pet peeve – automated phone customer service

I absolutely detest those automated customer service phone systems that ask you to speak your responses and then don’t understand you. This is even more ridiculous than the automated systems where you have to keep on pushing buttons. At least those systems make no pretense of being “human.” And it gets even worse when speak the option to speak to a human but get transferred to another  computer voice.  AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I think the first thing President Obama should do to stimulate the economy is to make these things illegal and hire real (American) humans to work customer service. (None of this outsourcing to India s**t.)

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Blogger wanna-be

I am on the brink of thinking that people should be required to pass an exam in order to be able to blog.

Somebody asked the following question

I’m NEW!! and my first atempt at bloging!!

Where do I find my Blog address to send to my friends!?!

and got the following response:

The url is in the address bar! look at internet explorer (or any browser you’re using… where you type something too to search…if you’re on your blog…what you see there is your blog address..it starts with…
www…. or ..http://………… 🙂

One would think that anyone who has ever used a computer could understand that, but another blogger-wannabe responded:

This reply does not help me at all. I\m new too and I do not know how to get to my blog. Please help me.

FAIL!

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Scumbag of the day

A Missouri man was arrested for attempting to hire a hitman to beat up his daughter because she would not let him see his granddaughter. And why did she not let him see the granddaughter? Because the scumbag had assaulted the woman years ago…

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Popcorn man

Sacramento police recently arrested a man for burglary after they found a trail of popcorn kernels leading from the store he burglarized to his apartment.

I wonder if this idiot is related to the moron in Fresno who was arrested after leaving a trail of teriyaki chicken from the car he burglarized to his apartment. If not, maybe he is related to the idiots in Illinois (none of whom are the soon to be ex-governor) who robbed a pizza delivery person but left snow tracks for the police to track.

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Wordless Wednesday (and my first YouTube video)

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