Stock tips for spring/summer 2009

A few weeks ago, I had to put on several bandages during a staff meeting. While this was certainly not a typical day, I am a heavy user of bandages. I tend to attract mosquitoes during the spring and summer, and end up scratching the resulting bites until I bleed, thus requiring bandages. And even during the autumn and winter, I use more bandages than the average person.

Therefore, I am recommending that sometime during the spring of 2009, everyone purchase stock in companies that make bandages, as I will personally be keeping their factories operating at full capacity.

In addition to this, I may be taking the advice of Robin from Naked in Eden Blog who suggested that while getting sunburned, I should wear tape to create body art when the tape is removed. I was thinking, “Great idea, but I’d look kinda silly wearing tape.”  However, if I was wearing a lot of bandages, I wouldn’t look quite so ridiculous… If I was to go shirtless (one could argue whether anyone would want to see me shirtless, but in my not so humble opinion, I look much better without  a shirt than those really fat man/bear hybrids you always see on TV at NFL games), I could make words on my chest/stomach and my back. This could also require the use of many bandages, creating more profits for their manufacturers.

DISCLAIMER: This advice is not to be construed as professional advice, and I  accept no liability for any losses incurred by anyone who follows this advice and loses money in the unlikely event that I have a relatively bandage-free year.

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5 Responses

  1. Bwahahaha!! MANBEARS!!

  2. Manbears! I like that word!

    I wonder what people would think if I walked into an ice cream shop shirtless and sunburned with bandage lines spelling out the flavor I want…

  3. They’d think you had too much beer! LOL

  4. OMG!!! LOL

    Man/bear… I love it!

    Also, I’m going to be buy stock JUST so I can see your sunburn body art!! We will all be awaiting the close up photos LOL LOL LOL!!!!

    You think I’m joking??

    NOT!
    🙂 🙂 🙂
    LOL

  5. @Robin:

    Now all I have to do is find a sucker, I mean a volunteer to strategically place bandages on my back and chest/stomach…

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