Parenting tips

These are bits of wisdom gained by a father who was educated by his rather active children.

1. There is no such thing as child proofing your house.

2. A four-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

3. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.

4. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

5. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you here the toilet flush and the words “uh-oh” it is already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots of it.

9. A six year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says it can only be done in the movies.

10. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak…it explodes.

11. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house almost 4 inches deep.

12. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

13. Duplos will not.

14. Playdough and microwaves should never be used in the same sentence.

15. Superglue is forever.

16. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

18. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noises when driving.

19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

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4 Responses

  1. Having raised 4 sons and now have a grandson who is six (6) I got a great chuckle out of # 7. Might I add that the words uh-oh also seem to happen on a friday night!
    Great list!

  2. Some good belly laughs here. Really enjoyed.

  3. These made me laugh. My duplo years are long gone, but you are so correct about them! As we’re deep into the angst of the teen years, I’m a little wistful. Some of this stuff is definitely not fun, or as a friend (still in the Lego years) says, “little kids/little problems; big kids/big problems.

    I know your “tips” were funny, but for tips that will help during these crazy parenting years, check out Lots of simple advice and techniques to help adults have more fun and less stress, while raising responsible kids. As they say on the site, “helping adults raise responsible kids since 1977.”

  4. Love that, just some things I get to look forward to with my 4 girls. I have 1 year old triplets who get into everything now, i cant imagine what they will get into in a few years all of them. thanks for making me laugh! For some tips and free baby samples and misc coupons be sure to check out my website.

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